I Walked On Fire
I walked on 1200 degree coals and I learned about trust and courage.
But first I questioned everything….
Am I willing to face my fears and look them straight in the eye? Do I truly TRUST in the unknown of what can be felt but not seen? Am I safe? Am I going to burn the bottoms of my feet and not be able to teach/dance/walk? Am I going to chicken out? I felt anxious as I contemplated what lay ahead. You don’t have to do this I told myself, and it’s true, I didn’t but something deep inside made me already know I was going to, my spirit was calling for it, I just needed my physical body to catch up and for my brain to chill the F—- out.
The evening started by getting to work on setting up the space for a safe bountiful fire. About 15 of us that would attempt the walk, set up a human chain to transport concrete boards, grass sod, and a ton of fire logs. We laid down the concrete boards on the earth inside this magnificent stone circle where we would build the fire. We then laid the sod over the boards and built a house of logs. We poured oil and lit the fire. It raged into existence……
While we waited for the fire to burn down into hot coals, we got into the mind set. We talked about courage and how it is actually a HEART set. It comes from our heart, it comes from grace, it come from getting into a flow state so we can then take action from that place. okay…. so how do we get there? With practice. So we did. We practiced breaking a board with the force of a karate chop from our hand. When it was my turn, I felt nervous with everyone watching and I had a vision of me hitting that board and nothing happening and you know what happened….well exactly that. Nope, I couldn’t break the damn thing and I started to wig out because I knew I need to get my head, I mean my heart, in the game. We went through a few more practices and I felt my mind racing, I just couldn’t shake the feeling of why couldn’t I break the board. My inner critic was on high alert.
It was time to walk in silence to the fire.
We circled up and raked out the red coals. The fire was officially open to walk. Whenever you felt ready, you could step up and step in. I waited and I waited as a few people took the plunge and I got to witness the transformation happening in front of me when they came out the other side. I felt my time start to creep into my body. I looked up at the stars and into open focus. I started to sing and dance and to raise my energy from deep inside. I stared into the fire-y coals like I was staring into the fire in my soul. I am the fire. I can do this. I looked up at the stars again shining brightly, smiling at me it felt like, saying, you got this Jill. And so I walked to the edge of the firewalk and I broke through that membrane of fear and right into the hot coals I stepped as I kept my gaze on the beautiful night sky. I walked with COURAGE in my heart. It felt, well, very different. I didn’t feel a burn but more a sensation I have never felt, it was somehow…nourishing. All the tension I had been feeling for not breaking the board and the leading up to what I thought was physically impossible of walking on fire, bled out of my body. I felt RESILIENT. FREE. POWERFUL. CONNECTED. SUPPORTED. LOVE. And so I walked again and because 3 is my magic number (being a triplet and all), I walked a 3rd time.
I barely slept a wink that night from all the excitement of what had ensued throughout the whole experience. The next morning my feet, I noticed, were black even through part of the closing ritual was gently washing each others feet in cold water. Huh, I guess they did feel a little burnt almost like a sunburn but it dissipated quickly with pressing on some meridian points and putting some salve on them. The whole next day I felt like I was a bit in a dream state. I felt inward and contemplative and tired and like I had just pierced the veil of some deep shadow work that I hadn’t fully been able to face, the walk broke something open inside of me that I couldn’t walk back on. Something about trusting myself and in turn trusting the universe. Trusting, truly trusting, in my power. So here I am starting to put more words to what will be a longer process of coming face to face with fears and old stories and programs that hold me back. I feel reborn, albeit raw and cracked wide open.
Note: Not everyone walked through the fire that night. What I realized, it takes courage to walk and it also takes courage NOT to walk. To know when it is your time to do so or not. We are all on our own timelines and we all get what we need when we are ready and open and it looks different for everyone.
Bottomline, I truly believe this entire human experience is one huge invitation to expand our souls. I accept that invitation again and again.
Step by hot step.
FROM MY HUMBLE HEART,
Journal Inquiry:
What is something you have done recently that made you call on your courage?
What did it feel like when you came out the other side?
Are you willing to name and to face off with something in your life that is no longer serving? Are you willing to let it go and look forward to something new to create? The possibilities are endless when we open up to them…..
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